High 5 – 26 February 2016 by Mrs Tay Boon Eng

Good morning Mdm Tan, Mr Lee, Mr Tan, colleagues and Gessians.

Please get ready your GESS Life Book and a pen or pencil.

Today I will be sharing with you about cultivating the habit of listening with understanding and empathy.

Listening is one of the basic function of our day-to-day communication with one another. Our ears enable us to hear all sorts of sounds but is that all it takes to listening? The answer is no because to allow ourselves and others to be truly understood, it engages more than simply the ears.

Consider this quote: “Before I can walk into another’s shoes, I must first remove my own.” Unknown. How often do you seek first to understand others, see things from another’s point of view before making yours known? Imagine that you walk into a shoe store to buy a new pair of shoes and the sales assistant keeps insisting that you purchase the hottest trend without considering your preferences? Would you go back to the shop again? Probably not.

Similarly in life, we should constantly seek first to understand, then to be understood. In other words, listen first, talk second.

Here, I would also like to highlight five common poor listening styles for you to reflect on which one you struggle with most.

1. Spacing out. Spacing out is when someone is talking to you, you ignore him because your mind is wandering off in another galaxy.

2. Pretend listening. Pretend listening is not paying much attention to the other person but pretending that you are by making comments at key junctures such as “yeah,” “uh-huh,” or “okay”.

3. Selective listening. Selective listening is where you pay attention only to the part of the conversation that interests you.

4. Word listening. Word listening is when you actually pay attention to what someone is saying but listen only to the words, not to the body language, the feelings, or the true meaning behind the words.

5. Self-centred listening. Self-centred listening is when you see everything from your own point of view and are interested only in letting people know your thoughts.

How, then, could you practise real communication with others? It is through genuine listening which involves listening with your eyes, heart and ears. This would help you to hear what other people are really saying as well and standing in their shoes.

For a multi-racial and diverse society like Singapore to stay coherent and harmonious, one learning point is for the government and its people to maintain a dialogue on topics that help chart the future for all. For example, through the year-long Our Singapore Conversation held in 2013, five core aspirations have emerged: Opportunities, Purpose, Assurance, Spirit, and Trust.

So Gessians, let’s all practise more intently on listening with understanding and empathy from today for us to work towards a better place to live in. Onward!